on a scale from one to fun…

By on Nov 14, 2012 in The Unruly Ascetic, Uncategorized

It isn’t supposed to be fun. I have had kind of a lot of “making it fun” references to practice lately.  I find that for my friends and yoga peers, I am happy to encourage them to do what is necessary to “make practice fun.”  I generally like the old adage, “if you’re not having fun, then you’re doing it wrong.”  But I realized, during my practice today (which was not particularly fun), that I encourage fun for my friends.  I encourage fun for those struggling practitioners who are not “my” students. When I am faced with a fellow practitioner who is genuinely looking to me as a mentor, I never ask them if they are having fun.  I never encourage them to modify the practice or change their approach for the sake of fun.  Maybe I encourage change for realistic daily maintenance, or to be...

Day 2: Happiness hit her like a train on a track.

By on Dec 31, 2010 in Uncategorized

Last time I was in India I remember getting to my first hotel room.  I put down my bag, sat down on the bed, looked around, and cried.  I felt so alone.  I had never felt so far away from everything I knew to be world.  The awareness of the 24 hour journey required to get home was overwhelming (and ironically what kept me here).  Later, I remember sitting on a bus, thinking “just wait.”  My motto at the time.  If you find yourself in a situation you don’t like, just wait.  Eventually it will pass and you will be on to something new.  I think this was a result of college, “just waiting” to get through each semester, each year.Just wait until you can live life.I was in India, on the biggest adventure I had yet faced, and I was waiting it out. As I sat in that hotel room I felt empty.  Like something had been sucked out of me and I was...

Day -12

By on Dec 16, 2010 in Uncategorized

Well Hello, Here we are, on the down swing of my 6 month Charlottesville adventure.  As I mentioned before, I think I have been here a little too long.  Today that feeling is emerging from my sneaking suspicion that my Yoga practice is suffering from seasonal depression.  I noted to a friend last night that I dread morning practice.  That I look at the clock in the evening and visualize waking up, beginning my sadhana, trudging to the studio to allow Jennifer to watch me sympathetically as I struggle through what remains of my once dedicated and enthusiastic practice, and I want to cry.  Is it the weather?  The abysmal cold that seeps into bones and connective tissue?  Is it the lack of light? I spent 2 hours lying in bed the other morning while the sun beat through the door to my room, with eyes closed pretending that the rising heat from the...

Day -28

By on Nov 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

Well hello, my darlings. This blog post is going to be a more straightforward “update” about my life.  Any posts titled “Day…” are going to be more direct accounts of where I am in the world and what I am doing on a day to day basis.  Really sinking into the narcissism that blogging makes possible.  I am sure I will still continue with the more vague posts about where I am in the universe and in my relationship to creation, but I think I will differentiate between posts where I am trying to fill you in, and posts where I am trying to work something out in my head.  Now I am not sure which one is more vainglorious. So, this week I am in Miami.  Visiting Kino and Tim, hanging out on the beach or by the pool, and enjoying the company of Paola and Sean (and briefly Katie, Ty, and Kelly).  Now that I have been here a few...

appetite for chaos

By on Nov 23, 2010 in Uncategorized

“If you are practicing yoga in any serious fashion, you are inviting your life to be blown up.”-Govinda Kai That was definitely the case for me.  As a result of pursuing yoga, attempting to practice in a serious fashion, my life has careened down a path I never would have visualized for myself 10 years ago.  Not that I bother with any of that “visualizing your future” nonsense, anyway. You know when people ask, “what are your 1, 5, and 10 year goals”?  I usually just laugh.  I had someone ask me today to provide her with a schedule for next week and it wasn’t gonna happen. Maybe (probably) this is something inherent to my nature, an inability to make or even consider long term plans. Or maybe this is Yoga teaching me to be in the present, to experience this moment and surrender (as we have discussed). This potential...